im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Buhtt sex?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
