I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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