I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
