Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
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One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
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I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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