i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
