dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
