oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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