just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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