just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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