I wanna bring you to show and tell
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Found your dick twin last night
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
