dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
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i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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