I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
