It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
