Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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