Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
