I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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