areolas are like halos for boobs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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