Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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