dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
