considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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