My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
