Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
