READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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