I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
