She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
