OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
