I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
