I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
