laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
