Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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