I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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