I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
