so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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