we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
