Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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