cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
