UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize