so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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