home. puking in laundry basket.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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