They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
