do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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