You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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