I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
