I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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