So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
