we're blogging at a bar
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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