By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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