rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize