Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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