apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
