whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
