so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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