I will die if light touches me.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
