Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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