he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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