Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
