I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
