I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
