thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
