When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
