Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
