Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
