If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
