Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
