i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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