he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
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According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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